You phoned home every night and I would listen from the hallway, wish‑ing I could hear what your mother said that made you laugh like you did. You called your little sister “darling” and she adored you. ) My mother wouldn’t have been someone you gossiped about among yourselves none of you had an appetite for anything but the pleasant. Cecilia, of course, was never discussed you’d thoughtfully prefaced this with them before you brought me home. Their unquestioning acceptance about where my father was, and the lack of judgment when he declined their invitation to visit for the holidays, was a kindness I was grateful for. Sometimes it felt like she loved me as much as she loved you. The way your mother touched the ends of my hair made me want to crawl onto her lap. Their house smelled like warm, laundered linens, always, and I never wanted to leave when we visited. The generous gifts, the airplane tickets to be with you all somewhere sunny on vacation. This might not have been as important to other people, but with you came a family. Things that come to mind when I think about the beginning of us: She lives in Toronto, where she and her partner are raising their two young children. Prior to Penguin, she worked in public relations. Audrain previously worked as the publicity director of Penguin Books Canada. The following is excerpted from Ashley Audrain's debut novel, The Push, about a woman whose experience of motherhood is not at all what she had hoped.
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